My current song of the moment as the lyrics describe exactly how I am feeling right now . . . First heard it on Glee, it really is such an emotional song.

Lyrics

I know I can’t take one more step towards you
Cause all that’s waiting is regret
And don’t you know I’m not your ghost anymore?
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live, half-alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?
Runnin’ ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Who do you think you are?

I hear you’re asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

I’ve learned to live, half-alive
Now you want me one more time

Who do you think you are?
Runnin’ ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Who do you think you are?

Dear, it took so long
Just to feel alright
Remember how to put back
The light in my eyes

I wish I had missed
The first time that we kissed
‘Cause you broke all your promises
And now you’re back you don’t get to get me back

Who do you think you are?
Runnin’ ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Don’t come back at all

And who do you think you are?
Runnin’ ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don’t come back for me
Don’t come back at all

Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?

With this past week or so marking two years since the beginning of the end and the massive changing events that were Mr Big. I have had a very strange time of it. Everything seems to be reminding me about it all starting, especially his recent appearances after not seeing him for most of this year. He just turns up that exact weekend?!?! Life really is a complete and utter bitch at times. Surely he is the one who deserves karma to catch up with him?

Also Facebook very nicely reminding me of my status updates from 2 years ago . . . I mean talk about kicking me while I am down. I guess you really just cannot catch a break at times.

Quite a few songs out at the moment or at least the ones on my current “songs of the moment” playlist remind me of him but also help in another way. Especially “Jar of Hearts” . . . no I can’t take one more step towards you, all that’s waiting is regret . . . but I decided on the haunting Adele song of “Someone like you” as the title of this blog post. Mainly because parts of that song are true, and parts of it the complete opposite of how I want to feel.

Let’s face it I don’t really want to find someone like him as surely history would just repeat itself and I would end up in exactly the same situation and heartbreak all over again? Yeah I thought so – I found the Facebook page to like was more appropriate “never mind I’ll find someone like you. Joke – you were a nob” now that is more like it!

Thinking about the song and when you know the background of it with Adele thinking about the guy who broke her and seeing him 10/20 years later and he’s happy with a nice wife and kids and she is still alone. That is the same fear I often have, so I think I can relate so much to that song and the entire 21 album for that matter. It really is a fantastic album, I could have written some of the songs myself with the emotion in them.

So I don’t really want to find someone like Mr Big . . . More on him is that I thought I was fine and I wanted him to be happy. But a week later I decided I really don’t care if he is happy or not. He does not deserve me to even give him a second thought and I hope he decides to do a disappearing act again for the foreseeable future. He just annoys me way too much, I can’t even remember any of the good times anymore as all pushed out by the trauma in the ending of it all.

A little shuffle challenge using iTunes . . . to see which 10 songs it brings up in a row. I have quite a wide range of music on iTunes but don’t think the 10 songs below are that random. Mostly well known.

1. Miss You – The Rolling Stones

2. I Kissed a Girl – Katy Perry

3. Perfect Day – Lou Reed

4. Smile Like You Mean It – The Killers

5. Teardrops on my Guitar – Taylor Swift

6. Use Somebody – Kings of Leon

7. Thank You For The Good Times – Oasis

8. Don’t Speak – No Doubt

9. Need You Now – Lady Antebellum

10. Children of the Revolution – T.Rex

YES or NO

Why can’t all of the problems and questions we are face with in life be simply answered with yes or no? Ok so most of the time it is much more complicated than being able to end something by saying yes or no. Unless of course it is to go somewhere as in the end yes is that you turn up and no is that you don’t bother going.

If only matters of the heart over head or head over heart situation could be answered with a yes or a no, life would be so much simpler. I guess it doesn’t help when I am not totally sure how I feel, how I am supposed to feel or even what I am allowed to feel for him . . . at a first glance that should all be NO . . . as in you should not and do not feel anything at all.

But the events of the past week or so have made me take a step back and think about it all. I just seem to care a little bit or a little bit too much. Which ever way I look at it, somethings shouldn’t bother me at all. But a phone call at 1am last weekend played on my mind for a few days. Should I have been flattered more than I actually was that he would think to text me, at any time. Baring in mind he probably didn’t actually realise what time it was? Possibly but that is all too difficult to tell. As there is a counter argument for that!

Who really knows? In all honesty I have no idea anymore. It’s not as simple as it was at the beginning, but what ever stays totally simple? And also when I say simple I mean that very loosely as this has never been a simple situation, but compared to starting to feeling more it just seems so much more complicated and I am not really sure what to make of it all.

So I guess the yes or no comes down to shall I actually find out what I am feeling for him???? YES OR NO . . .

Day 1 . . . here we go! Well I am so not going to be able to choose just one song! It has to be two for my favorite song!

The first one is “My Sacrifice” by Creed

I loved this song from the first second I heard it. And still love it now, find it a brilliant running song as well. Really pushes me hard. I just think it is an incredible song, that has meant so much to me for the past 10 years!

‘Iris’ by Goo Goo Dolls

I find this song to be just so beautiful that it’s quite unreal. It has incredible lyrics which can be related to at all different stages in your life. While this song is now linked to someone who meant a hell of a lot to me, I still love it.

I came across a 30 day song challenge on Facebook and thought that was good idea to blog about song’s I love and song’s I could therefore live without.

Here is what is to come:

day 01 – your favorite song
day 02 – your least favorite song
day 03 – a song that makes you happy
day 04 – a song that makes you sad
day 05 – a song that reminds you of someone
day 06 – a song that reminds you of somewhere
day 07 – a song that reminds you of a certain event
day 08 – a song that you know all the words to
day 09 – a song that you can dance to
day 10 – a song that makes you fall asleep
day 11 – a song from your favorite band
day 12 – a song from a band you hate
day 13 – a song that is a guilty pleasure
day 14 – a song that no one would expect you to love
day 15 – a song that describes you
day 16 – a song that you used to love but now hate
day 17 – a song that you hear often on the radio
day 18 – a song that you wish you heard on the radio
day 19 – a song from your favorite album
day 20 – a song that you listen to when you’re angry
day 21 – a song that you listen to when you’re happy
day 22 – a song that you listen to when you’re sad
day 23 – a song that you want to play at your wedding
day 24 – a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 – a song that makes you laugh
day 26 – a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 – a song that you wish you could play
day 28 – a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 – a song from your childhood
day 30 – your favorite song at this time last year

Well we have hit that day again . . . yes single’s awareness day is here!

I just read my post from last year claiming that I hate Valentine’s day and I still do, but not as cynical as last year. Guess that’s because more time has past since having my heartbroken now so not as bitter.

I don’t believe in love anymore so everyone should enjoy this day . . . actually I don’t really care!

I guess the title of this blog could not be more true. When you look back on the tears, tantrums and/or arguments they seem to make you laugh at how utterly ridiculous and funny it all really was. But then the really good and nice times which made you smile, laugh and in general be happy are now the distance memories which make you cry. It’s not like that anymore and never will be again – well that is probably a bit of an overstatement but it will never be like that with that one person again. That one person that even after a year you still cannot quite forget them. I have tried to forget it all, tried very hard to do that but it’s not possible. It was a massive part of my life, a big turning point in some ways. It was so unexpected that I could not even prepare myself, it really was such a free fall.

I cannot help but still miss him.

I know that is very wrong but he does still get to me . . . he really gets to me! This makes me rather annoyed at myself mainly but theres just nothing I can do about it. Totally powerless, I hate seeing him. Which is not very often at all now, luckily! As it really does knock me for six every time I see him. Why does he feel that he can still look at me in the same way when he used to tell me he loved me?!?! and make me feel as though I was the one who ended it, far from it he chose someone else!

That is something I do not get about men, why turn it around so the woman feels as though it is all her fault? Are they not strong enough to admit it was them, or just leave well alone. He knows that I let him in and how much of a big deal that was, so pretty much knows that certain things he has done will hurt me so much. Hence not wanting to do that all over again.

So yes now it is the good times that make me cry . . .

P!nk’s latest single “F**kin’ Perfect” has quickly become my current song of the moment. It really is Pink back to her best in my opinion. Lyrics that you really believe and can relate to, no matter what your background is. Just gotta remember that you are perfect to me <3 we have all made mistakes!

Lyrics

Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that’s alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss ‘No way, it’s all good’, it didn’t slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I’m still around

Pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel
Like you’re less than f*ckin’ perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you’re nothing
You’re f*ckin’ perfect to me!

You’re so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead
So complicated, look happy, you’ll make it!
Filled with so much hatred…such a tired game
It’s enough! I’ve done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I’ve seen you do the same

Oh, pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel
Like you’re less than f*ckin’ perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you’re nothing
You’re f*ckin’ perfect to me

The whole world’s scared so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and it’s a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics, cause they’re everywhere
They dont like my jeans, they don’t get my hair
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?

Why do I do that..?

Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby..!
Pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel
Like you’re less than f*ckin’ perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like you’re nothing, you’re fucking perfect to me
You’re perfect, you’re perfect!
Pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel
Like you’re less thank f*kin’ perfect,
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you’re nothing
You’re perfect to me…

Sunday 18th September 2011

I am eventually going to take part in the great north run for the very first time this year. I managed to get a place through an early ballot! Training is going to be started now, as I am going to aim at being able to comfortably run 15 miles in order for the 13.1 miles for the run not being much of a problem. That is much easier said than done, but I am very much looking forward to the challenge!

As the Lindisfarne song states “Run For Home” and I most certainly will be running for home. Being from and still living in South Shields where the run finishes!

I have the Nike+ GPS app all ready to use for my training on my phone! And so it begins . . .